Why I consider myself a sociable loner

I've always kind of floated around on my own.

I mean, I've always had friends, but none that have made it into adulthood. The people I was friends with in primary school and high school have all but vanished into the never ending timeline of Facebook.

After high school, I just wasn't interested in staying in touch with anyone. For the most part, I only sat with friends during breaks and lunches so as not feel like an outcast, but generally I would go to the music or art department and sit there either playing piano or drawing away. I'm not saying that the people I considered friends in high school were bad people, I just wouldn't have considered them lifelong friends. For example, I was never anyone's best friend, I would frequently be forgotten about and a lot of the time I was made fun of because, in the majority of my time spent there, I wasn't interested in having a boyfriend. That didn't change until half way through 5th year.

There were a few people that I would have considered close friends, but like most people, we gradually just drifted apart.

Now, I look at things slightly differently. I'm quite a loner.

I don't feel the need to be constantly in someone's company. I mean, not including Craig, I barely see anyone. My mum is the only exception, and I'm fine with that. I'm completely at ease with my own company. In fact, I actually prefer it. I like knowing I don't have to sit in an uncomfortable silence with someone because I hate making small talk. Or having to force myself to smile and laugh at jokes I just don't find funny.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly. But, I like to think they know me well enough to realise that it's nothing personal if I don't reply to their text. I've definitely read it, I just probably won't reply.

I think I need to be in the mood to socialise with people, and these days, those moods are few and far between. I think my cynicism's have definitely gotten the better of me over the years, so it takes a lot for me to want to go out and socialise. However when I do go out, I always enjoy myself, I just need to be in right frame of mind to actually do so.

I'm not actually sure where I'm going with this post, I was just in the mood to sit at my laptop and see what came out.

Let me know if you've ever felt like this, it'd be nice to know that I'm not alone with feeling like a sociable loner.

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How not to give a fuck

The title pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

Back around the end of October I spotted this book while wandering Glasgow central station. I was hesitant to get it as I figured I already had a kind of 'don't give a fuck' attitude, but this book opened my eyes into ways I could give less fucks.

I think 2016 was the year that I realised a lot about myself.

I don't need to constantly chat with someone, either friends or family. I'm so content in my own company that in all honesty, I sometimes find chatting and small talk so tedious. I can manage it for a short period of time and then, after a while, all my awkwardness starts to seep out and I either get really weird or I think of some excuse and walk off. Or, similarly, I just won't text you back. It's nothing personal, I'm just not that into chatting about every-little-detail of your life. Soz.

I also found that I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. I've generally always been like this, but more so recently. I read something that one of my family posted on Facebook, you know, those awful glittery moving gifs with an inspirational quote on them? This one was split into several parts, but the part that stood out most for me was "other people's opinions of you are none of your business". I mean, it sounds weird. But it actually made sense to me. Why should I care what other people think about me, it's not going to change their opinion of me just because I know what they're thinking. If they don't like me, me knowing that fact isn't going to suddenly make them like me any more than they already do. So now, I don't even bother myself with pretending to care.

But, the biggest thing this book taught me, was not to give a fuck about the little things. SO many things used to bother me. People cutting in front of me in a queue, everyone slamming forward to get on to the train when it pulls up (even though the train hasn't even finished moving yet!), slow walkers, etc. Now, none of that bothers me any more. And if I do feel that little inclination of annoyance, I just ignore it and focus on my own thoughts or what I'm doing.

Can we just all acknowledge that slow walkers are the worst, though?

That aside, I would highly recommend this book to anyone who would like the freedom of not giving a fuck, or if like me, you're looking to expand on your not giving a fuck-ness. I've read through this three times in the short space of time that I've had it. It generally lives in the bag I take to work, too, just case I need to remind myself to not give a fuck when I'm being crushed on a busy train home from work. Sometimes it's difficult, but it makes like so much simpler.

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Soap & Glory - The Whole Glam Lot

Every year I get myself the limited edition Soap & Glory gift set they release at half price. They've done it for years and I never miss one. This year, with starting a new job and not having much money to spare I couldn't buy myself it. I know, woe is me. However, my wonderful mammabear got me one for Christmas. I was genuinely intrigued when I went snooping under the Christmas tree to feel the presents and I couldn't figure out what this tin thing was. I opened it up on Christmas morning both excited and not surprised that she got me it, as I'm positive I mentioned to her at some point about getting it during the Christmas period.

This year has been my absolute favourite yet. I was a little disappointed in last years one, but this year has completely upped the game. So many full size products that I absolutely love, including the Sugar Crush body wash, Scrub of your Life, Righteous Butter and Hand Food. I've still to try out the face wash and the moisturiser but, so far, I've only heard good things about them so I cannot wait to give them a try. I'm not putting too much hope on the moisturiser as my face has always been very sensitive and is used to only a handful of products, but Ill give a try.

I'm not too sure what I'm going to do with the suitcase holder the products came in, as I generally keep all my body stuff in a drawer in the bedroom. I suppose I'll find something to use it for. If you have the same set, let me know what you're doing with the container as I need some idea. Unless that idea is to throw it away, as the hoarder in me would cry if I did that..

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new year, new me?

First off, you'll have to excuse the photo quality, it was taken on my phone as I currently can't find the charger for my camera battery, so grainy iphone photos will have to do for now.

Second, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't believe it's 2017 already. I've already written 2016 twice today and had to scribble harder over the 6 with a childishly written 7. I can almost guarantee that it's going to happen for a few more weeks at least. I feel like I say this every year, but honestly, how quick did 2016 fly in? I can't help but agree with all the memes saying 2016 is the year that we just don't talk about any more. It really was a mostly shit year.

There were a few things that stood out for me. Craig and I moved back to Glasgow, we had a great holiday with loads of friends and I discovered that I don't feel the need to please people any more. That last one, honestly, if you're going to have a resolution for 2017, make it that. It's so refreshing to be able to say no to people and not feel guilty about it. However, it also came with it's bad points. Our beautiful little kitty sadly crossed that rainbow bridge, I've lost touch with several close friends and I barely see my family any more. So, there's plenty to improve on.

I've decided to actually give myself some resolutions this year. I usually avoid the whole 'new year, new me' rubbish but I'm going to try and give myself some small goals this year.

1. Cut out fizzy juice.
This is my biggest vice - coke. I drink so much every day and it's clearly not good for me. I weighed myself the other day and I almost sobbed at how much weight I've put on. I haven't changed my diet in years and I don't particularly eat that unhealthily, however the amount of coke I drink is stupid. Time to cut it down.

2. Start exercising and join a club.
I used to be so active. I had something planned every day of the week, Tae Kwon Do, badminton, trampolining, cross country running or literally just taking a pair of skates down to the skatepark. Now, I do nothing. It's so bad. I've let myself get so unfit that walking up a few flights of stairs is enough to take me down. I'll still pretend I'm fine at the top and do that awkward slow breathing so you can't hear I'm out of breath. Come on, you know what I'm talking about. No time like the present to change.

3. Save money for important things.
Craig and I have been talking about buying our own place for years now and we've never got around to actually saving for it. Again, no time like the present to start. We both earn a reasonable amount, so it shouldn't take too long to save a sizeable deposit.

That's all I'm really giving myself this year. I think I'll struggle with the coke one the most, as I genuinely have a glass of it sitting next to me as I type this. Stupid devil juice. I'll get there, though.

I've also set aside some small goals for my blog this year. I really want to get back into enjoying blogging as the last few months I seen it as nothing more than a chore, so I need to get excited about it again. I'm currently writing down a few ideas for now and fleshing them out, so we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I'm off to finish my coke (without pouring another glass..) and watch a film. I've been watching through all of The Lord of the Rings again and then I'm moving onto The Hobbit. I love me a bit of Tolkien. Craig bought me a copy of The Silmarillion for Christmas and I don't know how I've gone so many years without reading it! If you like The Lord of the Rings then give a read, you won't be disappointed.

Again, happy new year to those of you who still read this little blog. Love you all!

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