07 January, 2017

Why I consider myself a sociable loner


I've always kind of floated around on my own.

I mean, I've always had friends, but none that have made it into adulthood. The people I was friends with in primary school and high school have all but vanished into the never ending timeline of Facebook.

After high school, I just wasn't interested in staying in touch with anyone. For the most part, I only sat with friends during breaks and lunches so as not feel like an outcast, but generally I would go to the music or art department and sit there either playing piano or drawing away. I'm not saying that the people I considered friends in high school were bad people, I just wouldn't have considered them lifelong friends. For example, I was never anyone's best friend, I would frequently be forgotten about and a lot of the time I was made fun of because, in the majority of my time spent there, I wasn't interested in having a boyfriend. That didn't change until half way through 5th year.

There were a few people that I would have considered close friends, but like most people, we gradually just drifted apart.

Now, I look at things slightly differently. I'm quite a loner.

I don't feel the need to be constantly in someone's company. I mean, not including Craig, I barely see anyone. My mum is the only exception, and I'm fine with that. I'm completely at ease with my own company. In fact, I actually prefer it. I like knowing I don't have to sit in an uncomfortable silence with someone because I hate making small talk. Or having to force myself to smile and laugh at jokes I just don't find funny.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly. But, I like to think they know me well enough to realise that it's nothing personal if I don't reply to their text. I've definitely read it, I just probably won't reply.

I think I need to be in the mood to socialise with people, and these days, those moods are few and far between. I think my cynicism's have definitely gotten the better of me over the years, so it takes a lot for me to want to go out and socialise. However when I do go out, I always enjoy myself, I just need to be in right frame of mind to actually do so.

I'm not actually sure where I'm going with this post, I was just in the mood to sit at my laptop and see what came out.

Let me know if you've ever felt like this, it'd be nice to know that I'm not alone with feeling like a sociable loner.


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